Season's Greetings

Whew! This holiday letter almost did not happen. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but this year's letter fund went bankrupt. It has been a truly horrible experience. I applied for a loan from our local bank, but it was denied. Actually, it wasn't denied. My paperwork just got caught up in this series of mergers and takeovers. My bank was acquired by WaMu. WaMu was acquired by Chase. By the time my application was forwarded to my new bank, which I fondly refer to as Chase-High-Fees, they hardly had time to reject my application and bill me for the processing fee. Poor guys!

So, I decided to do the truly American thing. I asked the Government if I could have a 'Bridge Loan.' This sort of thing seems to be in vogue nowadays. Unfortunately, my request was misrouted to Illinois. The Governor's office called and left a message. It said, "Bleep that Bleep," and hung up. I assume this is Chicago-speak for "no." Anyway, they did let us know that bidding for Senator Obama's US Senate seat was about to close and that if I wanted to get in on the action to get back to them soon. Decisions... decisions.

Finally, my application for a holiday letter bailout was properly routed to my Congressman. His office was very polite. The Congressman's aide told me I could have the money, but only if I was willing to "restructure my holiday letter finances" and submit the missive to someone who would serve as our "Message Mogul." I guess this is similar to a Car Czar. Turns out the "Message Mogul" wanted me to take a major reduction of my already pitifully small allowance, so I nixed this idea.

Meanwhile, my wife blames me for the bankruptcy of our letter fund. You see, I ordered this statue of Governor Sarah Palin from the Alaskan Mint. (Bet you didn't even know Alaska had a mint, did you? You Betcha!) As it turns out, what the sent me wasn't really a statue. It was more of a doll. It is life-size, though – and inflatable. Now, for some reason, my wife won't even speak to me. Actually, she did speak to me once. She said, "Bleep … Bleep … Bleep ." Sigh. Life can be so unfair. I don't know what my wife's problem is. I truly do admire Sarah for her political skills and savvy. Right!

As you have no doubt concluded by now, I am presently living in the parking spot in the garage that was once reserved for my pick-up. I spend my days composing holiday letters and letters of apology to my wife -- all this under the watchful eyes of Ms Palin. Wife-mate won't let me keep my 'statue' in the house. (If you thought the feud between Mr. Obama and Hillary was bad, you ain't seen nuthin'.) Life can be so unfair.

Anyway, I think my only hope for saving my annual holiday letter is to solicit donations from friends, family and Blog readers to restore the holiday letter fund. I promise the money will only be spent for future holiday letters... except for this one tiny, tiny purchase. I do need to purchase a patch kit. It seems poor Sarah has sprung a small leak and looks somewhat deflated. So sad!

There you have it. I promise that most of the donated money will go to future holiday letters. So please get to donating and you too can help keep these holiday cards, letters and blog postings coming. Have a safe and happy holiday!

Bob